I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
