ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
