Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
