How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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