Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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