he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
