I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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