best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
