you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
