You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
