It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
