Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
