I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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