just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
