i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
