How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
