Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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