I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
