Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
