is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
