Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Farmville is her only friend.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
