There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
