Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
