dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
