thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
