Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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