Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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