I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
