what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
