I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
