I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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