Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
