I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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