You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
