My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize