C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
