I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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