he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
