i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize