i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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