as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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