i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
