Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
