In America we eat man semen.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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