My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
