Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
