she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
