Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize