why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
