The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
soo... how was my night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
