Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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