So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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