i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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