Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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