He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
