He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
