WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
