Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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