I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
