I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
