so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
