Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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