Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize