You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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