WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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