you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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