I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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