I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
