I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
