So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
